Top Drunk

Bob has a long, three martini lunch with a coworker one day and as he's pounding down his last drink he belches and accidentally pukes on himself,
"Oh God, my wife is gonna kill me" he says.
"No worries Mate!" his friend replies, "just but a Twenty in your shirt pocket and tell the wife that some guy vomited on you but gave you cash for the cleaning bill!"
"That's a damned good idea!" exclaims Bob. After which he proceeds to get truly drunk!
Later that night, he stumbles home and the wife is waiting for him at the door. As soon as she sees his condition she starts to rip him a new one. . .
"Look at you, you worthless piece of shit! You're drunk! You're so fucking drunk you puked on yourself!"
Trying to calm her down, Bob explains how the drunk guy got sick on him but paid for the cleaning bill. . .
Somewhat mollified, the wife says, "Well that was considerate of him, but there is $40 here, what's the other $20 for??!!??"
"Oh yeah. . . he shit my pants too!"